Improve your sex life with these 10 intimacy-boosting conversations
Practicing the art of conversation generates intimacy in our relationships. We feel closest to those we share with.
The new science around sexual desire is that if we wait for the spontaneous urge to arrive, it may never happen. Instead, allowing desire to emerge in response to pleasure and closeness is when good things happen. And we don’t need to be talking about sex itself to start to feel a strong connection.
These 10 conversation starters below are designed to build closeness. You will learn things about each other that only you know.
Pick a random question from the list or work through them one by one. Remember to go slowly, be kind, and say more not less.
#1 Proud moments
Ask your partner to tell you about a moment in life when they have felt really proud of their own achievements. It can be a recent memory or a childhood memory.
#2 Compliments
Talk about the traits you like or admire about your partner. Let them know how much you appreciate them, be it about their personality or about something they did earlier in the week.
#3 Love languages
Take turns to ask this question: “Do I prefer hugs, gifts, or to hear ‘Thank you’? How do you know?” This will spark a conversation about what you like to receive in a relationship. Tell your partner what they can do to give these things to you more often.
#4 Holidays/getaways
Talk about a past holiday you have enjoyed together. Or think about your dream holiday you’d like to take. What does it look like? How would you plan it?
#5 Movies and TV shows
What movie or TV show has had the most impact on your life, and why? What is it about the message, the plot or the characters that has stayed with you all this time?
#6 Families
Talking about each other’s families gives hours of interesting details and gossip. Share a piece of news you’ve heard recently about a family member.
#7 Friends
Friends can be supportive but they can also be frustrating. Think about a particular friend and describe what that friend does when your partner is not around. Tell your partner how you have learned to deal with the frustration.
#8 Wish list
What are the top 5 things you want to do or achieve in the near future? What might need to happen to make these things a reality?
#9 Advice
Every so often someone offers you a choice piece of advice. Name a time when a friend or family member made a really good suggestion that helped you to solve a dilemma or work through a difficult problem.
#10 Self improvement
Tell your partner about one of your flaws – something about yourself that you would like to improve. What steps have you already taken to achieve this? (For the listener: remember your partner is talking about a vulnerability, so be an active listener and don’t fix.)
Is intimacy low in your relationship? Have you been cycling through the same arguments and now resentment is leading to a disinterest in sex? Are you spending more and more time ‘doing your own thing’ at the weekends?
The counsellors at The Good Relationship Practice can help with these complicated dynamics around sex and desire. Contact us below for a free call consult to ask how we can support you to improve closeness in your relationship.
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About our therapists
Cherie Marriott, Shweta Israni and Margie Mitchell offer specialist individual, couple and family counselling to help people get their relationships back on track. They offer targetted relationship therapy to help with communication issues, conflict problems, affair recovery, low intimacy, parenting struggles, childhood anxiety and ADHD, and separation or family blending.
The therapy at The Good Relationship Practice is discreet and private, warm and respectful, evidence-based and efficient. Clients leave each session with a deeper understanding of relationship dynamics, tools to improve communication and the confidence to move forward.
Appointments are offered in McMahons Point near North Sydney and on-line across Australia. After-hours sessions available. Click on the FREE phone consult button below to speak to one of our therapists about your concerns.
